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Suicide: The Ultimate Solution

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 09 Jun 2021 14:00:00 +0000

Nothing we see, hear, smell, taste, feel, perceive, or experience, means anything[1]. This includes our thoughts, attitude, values, beliefs, traditions, or cultural norms [2]. Yet, everything we come across seems to have a meaning. How is that possible? It’s possible because we are the ones who’ve been assigning meaning to these things, or phenomena, concepts, ideas, and even thoughts. We’ve been assigning meaning all along. Not only that, but we’ve been trained to assign meaning, and at this point, it happens automatically, and we are not even aware that we are doing it. However, because our meanings come from our perception, which comes from our attitude, which comes from our beliefs, which are chronic forms of thoughts, which, themselves, also do not mean anything, our meanings, therefore, mean nothing whatsoever. In other words, things have no meaning [3], yet we assign meaning to things. Still, our meanings to things which have no meaning, and therefore the meaning we give to things has no meaning, which makes things having no meaning, regardless of how much meaning we may assign to them because the meaning itself means nothing, which makes anything with a meaning, meaning nothing since its meaning means nothing. Since things do no mean anything, including the meaning we have given to them, then it is clear that we do not understand anything. Now, we want to understand things and believe or pretend that we understand things, but we do not. We are giving meaning to things, but we neither understand the meanings we give to these things, nor do they mean anything anyway. So, as much as we may claim, or believe, or try to convince ourselves that we understand things, we actually do not. Since we do not understand things, we cannot pretend to understand what really makes us upset when we are upset. We cannot say for sure why we would be upset because that which we claim is making us upset, we actually do not even understand. How can we not even understand something, yet characterize it as a reason why we would be upset. This would not be understanding. This would be meaning. Our meaning means nothing, and pinpointing that which we think may be making us upset is meaningless in itself and is in no way that which really makes us upset. Therefore, we are never upset for the reason we think we are. As such, when we are upset, we are actually upset for something that does not even exist, something that is not even there, something that we made up, that we invented, that we made meaning out of, that we give meaning to, and then say, “this is what I am upset about!” But, we know it cannot be so because nothing means anything. This means our own thoughts do not mean anything, that our own feelings do not mean anything, including our upset feelings. If our upset feelings do not mean anything, instead of trying to explain them, instead of trying to make something or someone responsible for them, we may benefit most from just making nothing out of them-just sitting with them, without judging them, without labeling them, without blaming them, blaming ourselves, blaming others, or circumstances, or situations, or happenings. Since nothing at all means anything, including our thoughts and feelings, then our suicidal thoughts and feelings mean nothing as well. Therefore, we need no longer be afraid of them, because they do not mean anything, anyway. We have been deploying so much effort in preventing suicide. Yet, we have no idea what suicide is all about. We do not understand suicide despite how much we believe that we do. We do not because we’ve been assigning meaning to it, and our meaning assigned to suicide means nothing and nothing at all. Suicide is a concept, an idea, a thought, and sometimes takes the form of a feeling, none of which means anything. And if we start there, right there, in understanding that suicide itself means nothing [4], maybe we’ll get a better chance at addressing suicide, by treating it as nothing. Since there is nothing there, we can then put something there. We can put the joy of living, love of living, peace, freedom, life satisfaction [5], fulfillment, self-actualization, self-realization, growth, contribution, a life with purpose. These mean something, because they are part of a different type of mental processes. They are part of the mental processes that are the opposite of those that led to thoughts of suicide. And when all we have are these new kinds of mental processes, then we will never have to talk about suicide, for it actually means nothing. This is how we help others with suicide. This is how we help cease suffering in the world. And This is what SWEET is on a mission for. Karen and Mardoche [1] Basch, Michael, Franz. “The perception of reality and the disavowal of meaning.” Annual of Psychoanalysis 11 (1983): 125-153. [2] Miller, Peggy J. “Instantiating culture through discourse practices: Some personal reflections on socialization and how to study it.” Ethnography and human development: Context and meaning in social inquiry (1996): 183-204. [3] O’Brien, Ignatius. “The Level on Which the Mind Functions.” Irish Theological Quarterly 21.2 (1954): 156-168. [4] Dyregrov, Kari Madeleine, et al. “Meaning-making through psychological autopsy interviews: The value of participating in qualitative research for those bereaved by suicide.” Death Studies 35.8 (2011): 685-710. [5] Pavot, William, and Ed Diener. “The satisfaction with life scale and the emerging construct of life satisfaction.” The journal of positive psychology 3.2 (2008): 137-152.

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Suicide and Goals

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Tue, 08 Jun 2021 11:51:43 +0000

Because of how we’ve been raised, socialized, programmed, and educated, we’ve been focusing more on things that enhance our protective personality [1] and less on what would elevate our true self, our true nature – who we really are. As a result, we’ve been led to believe and got caught up in the following sequential goals[2]: Go to the best possible elementary schools, middle schools, high schools, while getting the best possible grades, being the most competitive, doing the sexiest volunteer work possible Go to the best possible university, get the best degree, with the highest honors, amassing the best contacts possible, to then land the best possible job Get the best promotions with the highest possible salary, build the best possible career, and be the best possible in the field Having the best possible family, with the best possible lifestyle, preparing the children to follow the exact same formula, while preparing for retirement, and then death What’s wrong with these goals? Nothing. Can we not want these things? Yes, we can. Do we not deserve these things? Why not? So, What? Here’s what: The question is: What meaning do we assign to any of these goals? What happens and what does it mean to us when we fail to achieve any of these goals? This is exactly where the rubber meets the road. This is exactly where money is. And this is exactly where the problem is. This is so because of the values we have been trained to apply to these things. We have been socialized into giving a certain kind of meaning to them, and our ability to achieve these things, or not, is then directly tied to our perceived worth. If we can check the “achieved box” to any of those “goals,” then we are worth it, then our life is worth living. And the more boxes we can check the more we think we are worth it, the more we think about our self-worth, and the more pride we have [3]. Conversely, if we don’t check any of these, we feel crushed, we take it personally, we feel inadequate, not enough, not worthy, and we try to escape, either in substance use, or promiscuous or high-risk behaviors, or we give up on life, developing depression, and anxiety, until we resolve to end our life. To break it down further, this process may take several forms, all leading to the same outcome. Below are two of the ways. We develop shame, despise ourselves, find life miserable, and feel humiliated by anything that goes or is said around us. We seek to eliminate ourselves or others. This may take place impulsively, but other times, slowly but surely. [4] We develop guilt, perceiving ourselves as being vindictive and acting accordingly, perceiving the world, life, everything else, and everyone else as evil, blaming them in addition to blaming ourselves, and resolving to destroy everything, sabotaging our own life, destroying our own family, others around us, either impulsively, or slowly but surely. All this takes place because of our uneducated, socialized, programmed, thoughtless relationship with goals. All this takes place because we are unable to hold paradoxical thinking[5], we are unable to understand this is not an either/or world, this is not about have versus not have, do versus not do, or to “success,” versus “failure.” Rather, this is about first knowing who we truly are, second, consciously choosing how we want to navigate the world, and third, being who we truly are regardless of what we end up choosing. This will help prevent suicide in the world. This will help us better take care of patients who may be suicidal. And this is a skill worth spreading. If you are a clinician who would like to learn these skills to help your patients, please join us on June 11th, for our 6 CEU Full Day Webinar on Suicide. Click here to register, and We’ll see you then,Karen and Mardoche [1] Moran, Patricia B., and John Eckenrode. “Protective personality characteristics among adolescent victims of maltreatment.” Child Abuse & Neglect 16.5 (1992): 743-754. [2] Latham, Gary P., and Edwin A. Locke. “Enhancing the benefits and overcoming the pitfalls of goal setting.” Organizational dynamics 35.4 (2006): 332-340. [3] Lucas, Richard E. “Personality and the pursuit of happiness.” Social and Personality Psychology Compass 1.1 (2007): 168-182. [4] Morrison, Andrew P. “Shame, ideal self, and narcissism.” Contemporary Psychoanalysis 19.2 (1983): 295-318. [5] Hameiri, Boaz. “PARADOXICAL THINKING AS A PARADIGM OF ATTITUDE CHANGE.” The Social Psychology of Humor (2021).

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Suicide and the Protective Personality

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Tue, 08 Jun 2021 09:24:23 +0000

When we are born, we inherit a set of collective beliefs, and a set of arrangements. As we continue through the process of socialization [1] and programming, we take on beliefs, ways of doing things, and of perceiving things, while rarely questioning any of them. Instead, we use them to assign meaning to things,[2] to take positions on things, to determine our values, and we even fight and kill for them. We have adopted and have become so committed to these beliefs, that we are unable to disentangle, dis-attach, or take a step back from them. This has been costing us. This collective way of living has and continues to lead to an increase in depression, anxiety, substance use disorder, and crime. This collective way of living has and continues to lead to an increase in wars, pandemics from viruses that we manufactured in laboratories, and diseases we created from our thoughtless and inconsiderate products for consumption. Part of the reason for all this is that not only do we rarely question our beliefs, we also take them for granted and fail to ask where they come from. Yet, deep inside each one of us, there is this feeling that something just isn’t right. Deep inside, we have this subtle feeling that something is definitely missing. Nonetheless, given the collective majority belief, we opt to quiet down that subtle internal feeling, for fear of coming across as different from everyone else. What a shame that we are unaware that everyone is having the same experience, that subtle internal feeling emerging from time to time, barely heard, much less paid attention to, given how much societal noise we are distracted by. In the beginning of this inner and subtle feeling, we start to develop inner conflict. Given our brain abhorring conflicts, it has to intervene and does that through our protective personality. As time passes, our protective personality grows bigger and bigger, until all we are is just that a protective personality [3] – not our true authentic self, but rather, a protective personality, a façade, all smoke and mirrors. This means that regardless of what we think we are, where we think we are going, what we think we are giving, or what we think we have, we are all doing it through the lens of our protective personality – nothing else. This also means, we may be looking for happiness without ever knowing authentic happiness; we may be doing whatever it takes to achieve success but will never know authentic success; and this means we may be doing whatever it takes to be independent but will never know freedom. As such, no matter what we do, what matters most remains elusive. Love, peace, harmony, and real safety. Interdependence, authentic courage, authentic power, and fulfillment. Contribution, authentic growth, learning, and full self-expression. These are not the vocabulary of our protective personality, and while our protective personality thinks we have all this or understand this, with one simple inquiry, we realize that we have never truly experienced any of these higher ways of living. Yet, that little and subtle voice never quieted down. How could it? After all, it is us, our true essence, our true nature, who we really are, buried, under our programming, by our process of socialization, and replaced by a protective personality. And because it is always there, it does not and cannot go away. A sense of emptiness remains, a sense of inadequacy takes its place, a sense of never being enough, never doing enough, and never having enough, emerges, and represents the underlying cause of our suffering, to which about 1 million people a year or one person every 40 seconds [4], responds to by ending their life – hence the root of suicide occurs through the mechanism of our protective personality. Are you a clinician who would like to learn more about our protective personality and additional skills to help your patients prevent suicide? If so, please join us on June 11th, for our 6 CEU Full Day Webinar. Click here to register, and We’ll see you then,Karen and Mardoche [1] Grusec, Joan E., and Paul David Hastings, eds. Handbook of socialization: Theory and research. Guilford Publications, 2014. [2] Devan, Jijesh, and Dany Di Tullio. “Toward a theory of socialization in open source software communities: A symbolic interactionist perspective.” AMCIS 2008 Proceedings (2008): 41. [3] Moran, Patricia B., and John Eckenrode. “Protective personality characteristics among adolescent victims of maltreatment.” Child Abuse & Neglect 16.5 (1992): 743-754. [4] https://www.who.int/news/item/09-09-2019-suicide-one-person-dies-every-40-seconds

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Suicide and Not Knowing What Things Are For

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Tue, 08 Jun 2021 09:23:42 +0000

We don’t know what things are for because we don’t know the meaning of things. We don’t know the meaning of things because the meaning we do assign to things is inaccurate. And the meaning we assign to things is inaccurate because of the type of thinking we are operating from.[1] As mentioned in previous articles, things are intrinsically neutral. They have no intrinsic value until we assign meaning or value to them, which we have already established is inaccurate. As such, the erroneous meanings we assign further confirm that we don’t really know what things are for. And, this is our biggest source of anguish. Yet, as mentioned in the last article in this series, while things are intrinsically neutral, they all serve a purpose. The purpose for everything that takes place around us, close to us, in our life, far away from our own life, is all for our own best interest. What things are for, therefore, is all for our own best interest. Since the purpose of all things is for our own best interest, then the meaning of all things – if we were to assign meaning to things and that would be one universal meaning – would be a Constant. Outside of this universal meaning, outside this universal purpose, outside this Constant, everything would be and is meaningless, because whatever meaning other than this simply does not hold. It varies. It changes from one situation to the next; from one person to the next; and from the same person at a given time to the next person at another given time. Not knowing or understanding that is not without its major consequence. Not understanding keeps us on a roller coaster – not a fun one mind you, rather, a dreaded one. Not understanding keeps us in an unstable way of living – unpredictable at best, with no external or internal control, and this is rather an exhausting way to live. This exhausting, high cortisol and catecholamine-driven way of living are associated with anxiety [2], which is often comorbid with depression [3], making up the major risk factors for suicide. In addition, this state of living often leads to self-medicating, leading, to a substance use disorder, which adds to the three highest risk factors for suicide [4]. The reverse is equally poignant. The moment we reach the experiential understanding that everything is for our own best interest, we automatically feel that we are living life with purpose. The moment we reach the experiential understanding that everything is for our own best interest, we automatically experience the universal meaning of things. This in turn helps our goals become unified, synergistic and not contradictory. When we start living a life with purpose and start having goals that no longer compete with each other, we no longer have a conflicted mind. Our mind becomes healthy. Our brain, mind and body become harmonious. We no longer perceive things; rather, we see things beyond appearances, and we see what’s underneath them – the universal Truth – the universal purpose – the universal meaning – the Constant – that everything is and will always be for our own best interests. This is how we prevent suicide for our patients. This is how we prevent suicide in the world. And this is how we help anyone going through suicide, with an underlying depression, anxiety, or substance use, to come back to life and start living a life with purpose, with meaning, and in harmony with life that they are. Are you a clinician who would like to learn these skills to help your patients? If so, please join us on June 11th, for our 6 CEU Full Day Webinar. Click here to register, and We’ll see you then,Karen and Mardoche [1] Barclay, Craig R., and Henry M. Wellman. “Accuracies and inaccuracies in autobiographical memories.” Journal of Memory and Language 25.1 (1986): 93-103. [2] Abreu, L. N., et al. “Are comorbid anxiety disorders a risk factor for suicide attempts in patients with mood disorders? A two-year prospective study.” European Psychiatry 47 (2018): 19-24. [3] Hawton, Keith, et al. “Risk factors for suicide in individuals with depression: a systematic review.” Journal of affective disorders 147.1-3 (2013): 17-28. [4] Hall, Richard CW, Dennis E. Platt, and Ryan CW Hall. “Suicide risk assessment: a review of risk factors for suicide in 100 patients who made severe suicide attempts: evaluation of suicide risk in a time of managed care.” Psychosomatics 40.1 (1999): 18-27.

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Suicide: Why?

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 02:57:59 +0000

Why do people choose suicide? What are people thinking when they are contemplating suicide? What’s happening in their brain, in their mind, in their soul, or their surroundings? What’s going on in their relationship with themselves or others? What’s going on in the different facets of their life? What’s the basis for their decision? How impulsive is it? How much thinking has been put in before its completion? Suicide has been with us forever and is not likely to go away any time soon. One of the earliest cases was recorded to take place close to 500 BCE. That’s about 25 thousand years ago. Suicide happens for various reasons and to speak about it entails speaking about the reasons underlying it. For example, the pre-Socratic philosopher, Empedocles [1], died by suicide around 434 B.C. Under the premise that Death, itself, was a transformation, he decided to throw himself into the Sicilian volcano at Mount Etna. For our purposes, we will be talking about the type of suicide that is related to its number one cause – depression[2]. Yet, regardless of the underlying reasons, there is also some form of related belief. And while we will not pretend to be able to do away with suicide, such a complicated social phenomenon; we can at least modify and mitigate some of the risk factors, the single most important one being depression. Therefore, throughout this series of articles, when speaking about suicide, we will be speaking about it through the lens of depression. After all, at least 60 to 70 percent of those who died by suicide, had some form of depression. And while suicide has been decreasing in China and India, it has simply been increasing in the United States and several other countries. Let’s take a closer look. First, we know that everyone who is depressed does not necessarily become suicidal or attempt suicide or die by suicide. But we also know that having a form of depression increases someone’s risk for suicide [3]. Talking about the why of suicide therefore entails talking about the why of depression that leads to suicide. Having gone through the descriptive aspect of suicide, it is now time to get to its understanding. This then gets us back to the question, “why?” Why does someone with depression decide to die by suicide? And the answer to this is that they don’t know that everything that happens essentially happens for our own best interests. Let us explain: It all started with the depression. We get depressed because of how we respond to things that happen. We respond to things that happen in a way that gets us depressed because we think we know what things are for and what our own best interests are. Given this faulty belief, we then decide to give meaning through this lens, sorting things out based on what we think is “good,” or “bad.” Yet, as we have previously explained in our articles on Depression, “We don’t know what’s really in our own best interests,” and “we don’t know what things really are for,” though we not only pretend to know or think we know, we may also be totally convinced we do know! This deeply rooted belief has been behind our depression pandemic, hence our suicide pandemic. This deeply rooted belief is so strong that it will sound bizarre and hard to understand; things happen for our own best interest. As a clinician, we first ought to learn enough to arrive at this level of insight and awareness. We will then be able to experience that ourselves (clinician heal thyself) and then help guide our patients in the process of the eternal Truth. If you would like to learn how to do so, please join us on June 11th, for our 6 CEU Full-Day Webinar on Suicide. Come and witness a transformative day in our field. Click here to register and We will see you then.Karen and Mardoche [1] Britannica, The Editors of Encyclopaedia. “Empedocles”. Encyclopedia Britannica, 1 Nov. 2019, https://www.britannica.com/biography/Empedocles. Accessed 7 May 2021. [2] “Depression.” World Health Organization, World Health Organization, www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression. [3] “Suicide and Depression: Connection, Facts, and Statistics.” SAVE, save.org/about-suicide/mental-illness-and-suicide/depression/.

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