It is through others that we become ourselves. – Lev Vygotsky
No matter the modality—CBT, DBT, Psychodynamic, Motivational interviewing—what truly transforms people is not the technique. It’s the relationship.
Research across decades confirms this: The therapeutic alliance is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes.[1][2][3][4]
- But long before there was data, there was truth.
- The truth that we are wired for connection.[5]
- That trauma is often a wound in relationship.
- And that healing must therefore happen through relationship.
Whether we’re working with someone living with serious mental illness, chronic trauma, or deep-seated shame, our presence matters. Our willingness to see the person—not just the diagnosis—matters.
In our upcoming book, The Courage to Care, over 50 clinicians share what it means to walk beside someone through their darkness, not to rescue or fix, but to accompany, to bear witness, and to co-create a path forward.
This is the essence of trauma-informed, dignity-centered care. Not as a checklist, but as a way of being.
And it starts with us. How we show up. Whether we listen beyond words. Whether we choose compassion when fear or fatigue tempts us to disconnect.
Insight in Action:
This week, try this practice: Before each interaction, pause and say silently, “This person’s healing may begin with how I choose to see them.”
Notice how it changes your presence.
Spotlight: Upcoming Seminar
Transactional Analysis Virtual Conference
Date: May 9, 2025
Time: 9:00 AM – 1:00 PM (ET)
Location: Virtual
Join us for a dynamic exploration of Transactional Analysis—an insightful framework for understanding human behavior, communication, and transformation.
4 CEUs Available Nationwide for Social Workers, and in New York for:
- Psychologists
- Social Workers
- Licensed Mental Health Counselors
- Marriage and Family Therapists
Click here to join us now!
Healing is not what we give to others. It’s what arises when we choose to be fully present—with them, and with ourselves.
[1] Klee, Michelle R., Norman Abeles, and Robert T. Muller. “Therapeutic alliance: Early indicators, course, and outcome.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training 27.2 (1990): 166.
[2] Botella, Luis, et al. “Predictors of therapeutic outcome and process.” Psychotherapy research 18.5 (2008): 535-542.
[3] Martin, Daniel J., John P. Garske, and M. Katherine Davis. “Relation of the therapeutic alliance with outcome and other variables: a meta-analytic review.” Journal of consulting and clinical psychology 68.3 (2000): 438.
[4] Vaz, Ana Marta, et al. “The sister concepts of working alliance and real relationship: A meta-analysis.” Counselling Psychology Quarterly 37.2 (2024): 247-268.
[5] Tatkin, Stan. Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications, 2024.