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Depression and Why Do Things Happen?

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Fri, 07 May 2021 03:20:39 +0000

Why do things happen? Why do our lives seem to be a sequence of events, situations, circumstances, relationships, and happenings? Why does one thing happen instead of the other, and why does one thing happen when it happens instead of at another time? Furthermore, why is it that sometimes we wish for something, want something, are committed to do something and do it, while at other times, we equally wish, equally want, are equally committed to something else, and it just does not seem to happen? What’s behind all this? What’s the explanation? As discussed in our last article in this series, one of the reasons why we get depressed is because of how we respond to things that happen. We respond to things that happen because we have a perception of what should be happening, how it should be happening, and when it should be happening. This perception is based on our conviction that we do know what is in our own best interest. Yet, as we dispelled in our previous two articles, regardless of how much we may want to convince ourselves, we really do not know what is in our own best interests, and we prove it to ourselves on a day-to-day, moment to moment, basis. We prove it to ourselves through our own goals, which if we take a closer look, often contradict each other; are at times disappointing; and are never fully satisfying. Since we do not know what our own best interests are, we are really unable to determine which event is “good,” for us and which one is “bad.” Doing so is simply making one mistake after the other, making it even harder to see how it all started. Part of this mistake of sorting out what’s “good,” for us versus what’s “bad” for us, takes place through our meaning assignment[1]. And because what meaning [2] we assign varies from person to person and from time to time for the same person and the same event, it is clear that the type of meaning we assign to things, or our basis of assigning meaning, or how we assign meaning is simply a variable, not a constant, and therefore unreliable at best, hence meaningless. We cannot make use of it. We cannot count on it. We cannot draw a decision from it. Though we use it all the time and this is the reason why depression is soon becoming the number reason for disability around the world. As such, In our collective mindset in which we operate, meaning is useless. Things are utterly neutral and they do not mean anything. Now, not meaning anything does not tell the whole story. Not meaning anything means: The meaning we are assigning is really not so; We think we know what things are for or why things happen when in fact we do not. This insight can be humbling to some, satisfying to others, while an object of a narcissistic injury for some others. We have spent our life pretending to know what’s “good” for us, what’s “bad” for us; what to do, what to avoid; or what to go after, and what is not worth it. “What do you mean I don’t know what things are for?” to which we will respond, “If we are so sure how things work out, then, why are we depressed? Why are we suffering[3]? Why are we so miserable?” Something is missing. And it may be just that. It may be that we think we know why things happen. We think we know what things are for, and we are prone to assign meaning and we become the victim of our meaning assigned to things – the victim of our own making – the meaning of our world, for which we start to blame everything else and everyone else except ourselves. Yet, there is a purpose to Life. It is just not what we think it is. There is a purpose for things. It is not just what we’ve been taught it is. Our collective mindset has been leading to a pandemic of depression. But it does not need to be that way. And if you are a clinician, we can make a difference by getting the proper tools. Much Love,Karen and Mardoche [1] Magolda, Marcia B. Baxter. “The activity of meaning making: A holistic perspective on college student development.” Journal of College Student Development 50.6 (2009): 621-639. [2] Lewis, Siân E. “A search for meaning: Making sense of depression.” Journal of Mental Health 4.4 (1995): 369-382. [3] Levinas, Emmanuel. “Useless suffering.” The provocation of Levinas: Rethinking the other 158 (1988).

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The Mechanism of Depression

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Thu, 29 Apr 2021 20:45:15 +0000

What do things mean? What does an event mean? What does a situation mean? And what does a circumstance mean? What about what others say, what does it mean? What does it mean to have been demoted, fired, or not to have landed a job? What about to have a breakup, to have a divorce, to have a loss? And to have an illness? To receive a diagnosis? To have received 6 months to live? What does any of these mean? We hope you are taking some time and ponder upon each of these questions. They are intended as such. They require much thought, and they concern us, they concern each aspect of our life, and they deserve at least a few minutes of pondering. Now, what has been your response to each of the questions? Did you find that any of them have more meaning than others? If so, which ones, and why?[1] For example, which has more meaning, the death of a loved one or the loss of a house? Is it a divorce or a breakup? Is it getting fired from a job or not having landed the job, to start with? Is it not having been accepted to the school of your choice, or having failed the entrance exam? Now, if you said divorce had more meaning, would you be surprised to hear that some individuals think that a breakup has more meaning to them? What about if you said, being fired, would you be surprised to hear that some people think that not having landed the job, to start with has more meaning to them than having been fired? What about the death of a loved one? Let us say, for example, that had more meaning[2]; would you be surprised to hear that some people find having their house being destroyed is more meaningful than the death of a loved one? Ok. You must have gotten the picture by now, and the question is what does all this mean? It means, meaning from the mindset in which we currently operate is nothing more than a variable. This means, it varies from one circumstance to the next, from one person to the next, and from one person at a given time to the same person at a different time. It also means what may have had meaning to us then, may have a totally different meaning to us now, and what may have had a lot of meaning to us at some point, may have little to no meaning at all to us at another point, and vice versa. In other words, we assign the meaning. We are assigning meaning all the time, automatically, and to the point where we cannot even help it, given the principle of familiarity that our brain goes by. So, we are assigning meaning. And, until we have assigned that meaning, things have no intrinsic meaning. Wait! What? Does that mean then that having been demoted, having been fired, or not having landed a job, has no intrinsic meaning? Well, yep. What about breaking up, divorcing, or having a loss? No intrinsic meaning? That’s correct. No intrinsic meaning. Ok, how about an illness? A diagnosis? having received 6 months to live? No meaning either? You got it right. No intrinsic meaning. None at all. None until you assign one to any one of these situations. Until then they are just there, with no intrinsic power, until you give life to them through your thinking process, your assigned, meaning, your attention and associated thoughts, forming an action potential, generating the brain image mechanism, interfering with the brain catecholamine pathway and with our serotonin receptor signaling, leading low energy and motiation, depressed mood and anhedonia, negativism, learned helplessness and suicidality. And this is the mechanism of depression [3]. In order words, depression does not take place because of anything that happened; rather, it happens because of our response to what happened. The question now is, “What is to be the response to these day-to-day things that happen in our life, to which most people’s response is likely to depression?” Are you a clinician who would like to help more your patients with depression or adjustment disorder, or those who have gone through loss? If so, click here and see more articles on depression. See you then,Karen and Mardoche [1] Part, C. & Al, A. (2006) Meaning Making and Growth: New Directions for Research on Survivors of Trauma, Journal of Loss and Trauma, 11:5, 389-407, DOI: 10.1080/15325020600685295 [2] Bliss, Sara. “When Getting Fired Is Actually The Best Thing For Your Career.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 13 June 2019, www.forbes.com/sites/sarabliss/2019/06/12/when-getting-fired-is-actually-the-best-thing-for-your-career/?sh=6e40fe005762. [3] Brigitta, Bondy. “Pathophysiology of depression and mechanisms of treatment.” Dialogues in clinical neuroscience vol. 4,1 (2002): 7-20. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2002.4.1/bbondy

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Depression and Our Own Best Interests

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 21 Apr 2021 10:13:59 +0000

We don’t perceive what is in our own best interests, and we don’t know that this is the case. As a result, we also don’t know to pause to learn or find out, much less do we know where to start. Consequently, we have a number of goals, wishes, and wants, which are often in conflict with each other. What then takes place is that we make a number of demands regarding a given situation that have nothing whatsoever to do with the situation itself, though we vehemently believe they do. We then end up with a number of goals that are rather contradictory. We then begin working toward those goals, and find disappointment after disappointment [1], and label ourselves as a failure, or incapable because we aren’t reaching those goals as expected. Most people get depressed in response to disappointments. We did not get the job we wanted; we did not get the promotion we had hoped for; we did not get into the school of our choice. Perhaps, we were expecting that baby and we lost it; we were expecting to get married to that person and he or she “ditched us;” or we were to retire in that house we always wanted, but someone else bought it from under us. We can find thousands and thousands of such examples, which we vehemently were attached to and since they failed to happen, we become depressed. But, is this really what we wanted? Do we really know what is in our own best interests? Let’s remember this is not information, rather transformation. Let’s remember that Education consists of unlearning and relearning [2]. It calls for transformational and experiential learning, which entails active learning. As such, let us proceed as follows: Think of as many of the situations about which you are currently concerned Think about the specific outcome you want for each of these situations Are you able to see that you have a number of goals in mind as part of the specific outcome you want? Are you able to see that your goals are on different levels and some conflict with others? What types of conflict are you able to find right away? Let’s look at the following for illustration purpose. Let’s call this individual, Arielle. Situation: Arielle has come up with 10 areas of her life and related desired outcomes. Parenting; Romance; Therapy; Social Justice and Advocacy; Entrepreneurship; Teaching; Writing; Public Speaking; Financing; Fulfillment Desired Outcome: For each outcome, Arielle describes the following goals: Being the best mother I can be; Having romance in my life; Being the best pregnant woman therapist I can be Adequate maternity leave for all women throughout the world; Have my practice be accessible to all pregnant women in the world; Teaching in workplaces throughout the world to raise awareness of the crucial importance of Maternity Leave; Writing to raise awareness of the crucial importance of Maternity Leave in workplaces Public speaking to raise awareness of the crucial importance of Maternity Leave in workplaces Financial independence Be the best I can be These are examples of 10 situations or areas of life and related outcomes that have mattered the most to Arielle. Now, we can all agree that there is nothing conflicting or contradictory among the 10 areas of her life and related areas. These are different aspects of herself, in fact we all have these same aspects of ourselves, and even more [3]. We can also agree that the specific and related goals she has for her 10 areas and related outcomes may not necessarily contradict each other either. We say it may not because it will depend on how she plans them; it will depend on how she goes about meeting these goals; and it will depend on what she thinks is in her best interest in how to best accomplish each of these desired outcomes. And this is where the rubber meets the road. When Arielle came to us, feeling, “burnout, overwhelmed, inadequate and depressed,” we helped her sort out her goals and things she was concerned about, and that mattered most to her. We helped her identify how some of her goals conflicted with each other and we then guided her to steer things in the most optimal direction. She left feeling more in control, confident, and empowered. Much different than when she was feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Depression takes place when we know that part of us wants something different, can do something different; when we think we know exactly how it has to take place. Yet, we end up simply burnout, overwhelmed, inadequate, and yes, depressed, just in Arielle’s case. However, as you can see, it does not have to be that way. We can desire and have a conscious relationship with out desires, and we can learn how, and it is a matter of shifting. We look forward to us mastering the skills needed to make this shift. And if you are a clinician, please join us on May 7th, for our 6 CEU full-day webinar on Depression. Click here to register. And See you then,Karen and Mardoche [1] Ashworth, M., Ph.D. “Dealing with Disappointment.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 17 May 2016, psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-disappointment#1. [2] Warrell, M. “Learn, Unlearn And Relearn: How To Stay Current And Get Ahead.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 4 Feb. 2014, www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2014/02/03/learn-unlearn-and-relearn/?sh=5829a238676f. [3] Natasha, and Name *. “The 7 Categories of Life and How to Succeed in Each.” Natasha C Dewhirst, 29 Apr. 2020, natashacarltondewhirst.com/2020/02/14/the-7-categories-of-life-and-how-to-succeed-in-each/.

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Why Do We Get Depressed?

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Sat, 17 Apr 2021 19:06:14 +0000

We get depressed because we do not perceive our own best interests. We don’t really know what is in our own best interest, but what’s worse is that we think we do [1], and this is why we not only get depressed, or are more likely to get depressed; but this is also why it becomes harder and harder for us to get out of depression when it comes. While it may not be obvious, the fact remains that what we, all, ultimately, want is to be “happy.” It may then be less obvious to us to know what being “happy,” really means; what is it that will “make us happy,” and how we go about being “happy.”[2] As a result, we are left without a guide or direction, and it becomes harder for us to decide or take action. Added to this, several studies show that having more choices also does not make us happier [3], rather, it makes us more miserable. These studies show that while we think we want choices, we feel overwhelmed when presented with them and, as a result, we feel less happy. Furthermore, since we have no guide or direction, we have no reliable way of judging one thing from the other in terms of how happy this would make us or not [4]. Of course, we judge, but we judge based on our own perception which is colored by our past, and this is one of the least reliable ways for us to determine anything because it is just an illusion [5]. Since we have no way of reliably judging or assessing anything; since we have no way of determining what will make us happy and what will not. Not only do we not know what is in our own best interests, we will also be unlikely to serve our own best interests. Reading this may trigger our protective personality, “What do you mean I don’t know what’s best for me? What do you mean I am unlikely to be able to serve my own best interests?” Well, if we really know what is in our own best interests, then there is no way we would ever end up getting depressed. For depression is mourning, mourning of a loss; it’s regrets; it’s guilt; it’s self-loathing; it’s desire to not willing to live anymore; and loss of optimism for ourselves loss of trust in others, for life and for others. Now, as stated earlier, it is not only that we do not perceive our own best interests, it is also that we do not even realize we do not perceive our own best interests. Even worse, we are convinced that we know what our own best interests are, making it even more difficult for us to be open and learn. And this is why we get depressed; this is why we will continue to get depressed; and this is why it will be harder for us to get out of depression. Until, of course, we reach the experiential understanding that we don’t perceive our own best interests until we agree to learn our own best interests. Are you a clinician who would like to help your patients put an end to suffering from depression? If so, please join us on May 7th, for our 6 CEU Full-Day Live Workshop on Depression. Click here to register, and Until soon,Karen and Mardoche [1] StanfordUniversity, director. We Don’t Know What Makes Us Happy (But We Think We Do). YouTube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXEwmR8MNas. [2] Ajayi-Obe, Samuel. “Happiness: Do We Really Know What Makes Us Happy?” Samuel Obe, Samuel Obe, 20 June 2020, www.samuelobe.com/happiness/. [3] Torgovnick, Kate. “Does Having Choice Make Us Happy? 6 Studies That Suggest It Doesn’t Always.” TED Blog, blog.ted.com/does-having-choice-make-us-happy-6-studies-that-suggest-it-doesnt-always/. [4] Dolan, Paul & Peasgood, T. & White, Mathew. (2008). Do We Really Know What Makes Us Happy? A Review of the Economic Literature on the Factors Associated With Subjective Well-Being. Journal of Economic Psychology. 29. 94-122. 10.1016/j.joep.2007.09.001. [5] Trafton, Anne. “How Expectation Influences Perception.” MIT News | Massachusetts Institute of Technology, news.mit.edu/2019/how-expectation-influences-perception-0715#:~:text=For%20decades%2C%20research%20has%20shown,based%20on%20similar%20past%20experiences.

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Depression: What to Know and More

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 11 Nov 2020 15:00:00 +0000

We will see why some of our best treatment modalities remain limited in their effectiveness, what is behind our psychology, and what is behind our Normal Blueprint.

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I Will Be Happy When…(The Unspoken Cause of Depression)

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 15:00:00 +0000

We are born with no need to go to therapy because we are depressed. As we grow up, we are told to go to school, study hard, go to college, get a profession, get a job, get married, have children, raise them, work hard, have a lovely house, nice car, lavish vacations, prepare for retirement, retire, and die. It is as if this is all there is to life.

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The Missing Ingredient in Understanding Depression

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 28 Oct 2020 14:00:00 +0000

None of us were born “depressed,” It is not scientifically, biologically, or humanly possible. Instead, all of us were born happy, which means happiness is innate. The question then is, why do people get depressed? How do people become depressed? And can we prevent depression?

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Have We Been Correctly Dealing with Depression, Happiness, and Unhappiness?

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 14:00:00 +0000

No baby has ever been scientifically found to have been born depressed or unhappy. In fact, babies have been born with such a glow that we, adults, regardless of what mood we may be in, cannot help but smile when we see a baby. This baby, who has a blank slate in her unconscious mind, yet, who is completely loaded pre-consciously, triggers our pre-conscious mind, through which we can identify with her, and where some of the highest states become conscious to us. This happens to all of us. Have you ever wondered why?

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