Healing from the Wounds of Bullying: Understanding Inner Child Wounds and Finding Freedom

Bullying[1] leaves deep scars that often extend far beyond childhood. For many, the wounds from bullying — whether verbal, physical, or emotional — become embedded in the psyche, affecting self-worth, confidence, and relationships.[2] These experiences often contribute to what’s known as “inner child wounds,” unresolved emotional pain that impacts us well into adulthood.[3]

Healing from these wounds is a journey of self-compassion, courage, and inner child work. By addressing the pain at its roots, we can begin to free ourselves from the weight of the past, rebuild our sense of self, and embrace a future grounded in resilience and self-worth.

Understanding the Impact of Bullying on the Inner Child
When we experience bullying, especially at a young age, it can distort our self-perception[4]. The repeated exposure to judgment, rejection, or humiliation often leads us to internalize negative beliefs about ourselves, such as “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t belong,” or “I am powerless.” These beliefs take root in our inner child — the part of us that holds onto early memories, feelings, and unmet needs.

Inner child wounds formed through bullying can manifest in adulthood as:

1. Low Self-Esteem: Constantly feeling “less than” others, even when evidence suggests otherwise.[5]
2. Self-Doubt: Second-guessing ourselves and fearing judgment, which can hinder personal and professional growth.
3. Fear of Rejection: Avoiding vulnerability or new relationships out of a deep-seated fear of being hurt or abandoned.
4. People-Pleasing Behaviors[6]: Trying to gain acceptance or approval to compensate for feeling unwanted or unworthy.

Recognizing these symptoms as effects of bullying rather than inherent flaws can be the first step toward self-acceptance and healing. 

Reconnecting with the Inner Child
Healing inner child wounds requires acknowledging the pain we carry from bullying. It can be uncomfortable to revisit these memories, but connecting with our inner child — the part of us that endured the hurt — is essential to release the pain. When we acknowledge the hurt child within us, we validate their experiences, paving the way for healing.[7]

Exercise: Meeting Your Inner Child

1. Find a quiet space and close your eyes. Picture yourself as a child at the age when you were bullied. Visualize this child standing before you.
2. Imagine yourself kneeling to their level, showing them compassion and understanding.
3. Speak to this child as a loving adult. Tell them, “I see you. I know how much pain you endured. You did not deserve that, and it wasn’t your fault.”
4. Offer them a hug or comforting words, showing them the love they needed.

This exercise allows us to reframe our relationship with the bullied child within us, replacing shame or guilt with empathy and validation.

Understanding and Changing Negative Beliefs
Bullying often plants seeds of limiting beliefs in our minds — distorted ideas about who we are and what we deserve. Healing involves identifying these beliefs and replacing them with truths that reflect our worth and strength.

Exercise: Rewriting the Narrative

1. Write down any negative beliefs you associate with bullying, such as “I’m not enough” or “People will always judge me.”
2. Next to each negative belief, write a counter-statement. For example, change “I’m not enough” to “I am worthy, just as I am.” Instead of “People will always judge me,” write “I am accepted and valued by those who matter.”
3. Practice saying these new statements daily, especially when old doubts or fears arise.

This reframing exercise gradually helps to overwrite limiting beliefs with self-affirming truths, allowing you to view yourself in a more positive, empowered light.

Developing Self-Compassion
One of the most healing aspects of inner child work is self-compassion[8]. When we’re kind to ourselves, we begin to counter the harsh treatment we may have received from others. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same understanding and kindness you would offer a friend.

Exercise: Practicing Self-Compassion

1. When you notice self-critical thoughts arising, pause and ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I love?”
2. Imagine a friend or loved one who went through similar experiences. How would you respond to them? Use this same compassion toward yourself.
3. Repeat phrases like, “I am enough,” “I am healing at my own pace,” or “My experiences do not define my worth.”

Over time, self-compassion can help replace self-criticism with kindness, promoting inner peace and self-acceptance.

Embracing Vulnerability and Reclaiming Power
Bullying can leave us feeling powerless and fearful of vulnerability. However, reclaiming our sense of power often involves taking the courageous step of opening up — with ourselves and others — about our experiences.[9] This might mean sharing our journey with a trusted friend or therapist, joining a support group, or expressing our story through writing or creative outlets.

Exercise: Telling Your Story

1. Write about your experiences with bullying, focusing on your feelings, fears, and how it shaped you.
2. Once you’ve expressed your story, write a letter to your younger self. Offer them the encouragement, love, and advice they needed during that time.
3. If you feel comfortable, consider sharing this story with someone you trust or finding a support group where you can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences.

By owning your story, you reclaim power over it, allowing the healing process to unfold with greater compassion and awareness.

Moving Forward: Finding Freedom from the Past
Healing from the wounds of bullying is a gradual, transformative journey.[10] Inner child work[11] enables us to release the burdens of the past and embrace a new narrative. With every step toward self-compassion, understanding, and courage, we dissolve the impact of those painful memories, nurturing a sense of wholeness.

Through this process, we learn that we are not defined by others’ words or actions. By reconnecting with and nurturing our inner child, we liberate ourselves from the fear, shame, and self-doubt instilled by bullying. In doing so, we can begin to live authentically, embrace our inherent worth, and cultivate relationships built on mutual respect and compassion

Healing the wounds of bullying requires patience, but as we journey through inner child work, we find that freedom, peace, and resilience are not only possible — they are our birthright. By nurturing the child within, we transform the pain of the past into a foundation of strength, empathy, and self-love, unlocking a future where we feel truly whole and empowered.

Are you ready to master the skills to help your clients heal their childhood wounds, so they can finally find the peace of mind they’ve been searching for? Join our upcoming certificate course, ​​Healing the Past: Overcoming Childhood Wounds for Emotional Freedom​​, starting Wednesday, November 20, 2024, and running through December 18, 2024. ​​Register today​​ and take the first step toward transforming lives.

[1] Rettew, David C., and Sara Pawlowski. “Bullying.” Child and adolescent psychiatric clinics of North America 25.2 (2016): 235-242.

[2] Vanderbilt, Douglas, and Marilyn Augustyn. “The effects of bullying.” Paediatrics and child health 20.7 (2010): 315-320.

[3] Baldwin, Cat. The Forgiveness Workshop. Ozark Mountain Publishing, 2021.

[4] Cleary, Anne, and Anne Cleary. “Growing Up Male.” The Gendered Landscape of Suicide: Masculinities, Emotions, and Culture (2019): 61-95.

[5] Choi, Boungho, and Soowon Park. “Bullying perpetration, victimization, and low self-esteem: Examining their relationship over time.” Journal of youth and adolescence 50.4 (2021): 739-752.

[6] Meyers, Amy. “Bullying Scars: The Impact on Adult Life and Relationships.” Journal of Baccalaureate Social Work 23.1 (2018): 59-61.

[7] Guttman, Jennifer. Beyond Happiness: The 6 Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction. Simon and Schuster, 2023.

[8] Múzquiz, Juan, Ana M. Pérez-García, and José Bermúdez. “Relationship between direct and relational bullying and emotional well-being among adolescents: The role of Self-compassion.” Current Psychology 42.18 (2023): 15874-15882.

[9] Petherbridge, Danielle. “What’s critical about vulnerability? Rethinking interdependence, recognition, and power.” Hypatia 31.3 (2016): 589-604.

[10] Gopin, Marc. “Healing the Past.” Reconciliation, Conflict Transformation, and Peace Studies. Cham: Springer Nature Switzerland, 2024. 15-24.

[11] Laub-Israel, Brurit. “Inner Child Work.”