The Stop Technique: How to Quit The Habit of Judging Yourself

We judge. We do it fast. We do it automatically and reflexively. We do it so quickly that we barely notice it. Now, if we started noticing it, we’d become more aware that we are doing it, and could then do something about it.  We can start using a quick and easy technique first to notice ourselves doing it and then stop indulging in doing it. This is called: The Stop Technique.

First, let us say that we don’t want to indulge in judging ourselves for the following reasons:

1. It robs our joy, happiness, peace, and freedom [1]

2. It leads us to project, which in turns leads us to judge others and to perceive that others are judging us

3. It leads to associated suboptimal thoughts about ourselves, which then influence the feelings we experience at any given time

4. It keeps our mind busy on thoughts that matter little and off experiential or insightful thoughts

5. It leads to distraction, which reduces our ability to focus, hence our ability to be our best on a given task.

The above five reasons are just a sample of the reasons why we really ought to stop judging ourselves. As a result, having a technique that will help us do that can be one of the best tools to possess.  Moreover, it is a simple technique that requires a short amount of time to do; it does not require us to stop doing whatever we were doing, and we can do it anywhere.  Are you ready to learn The Stop Technique?

Step 1: Say Stop: Whenever you have a thought of judgment about yourself. Whenever you experience any unkind feeling about yourself, simply say, “Stop.”

Step 2: Direct your attention to your heart: Your attention was somewhere anyway, and all you’re doing at this point is redirecting it to your heart. You are doing so because when you’re judging you’re using your heart without knowing it. Now, you may know that your heart is the organ with the largest electrical current [2] of all organs in the body; and that it is a musculo-electrical pump that sends blood throughout your body. As you judge, your heart continues to pump blood throughout your body, and your judgments, which are attack thoughts, are captured by your heart as electrical signals and action potentials and distribute those throughout your body, through your bloodstream.

Step 3: Open your heart. You need to make no effort to open your heart. Once your direct your attention to your heart, its electrochemical field will pull you in, and you will start experiencing Reality-Based Thinking. Such Reality-Based Thinking comes in the following forms:

1. Presence

2. Aliveness

3. Vitality

4. Forgiveness

5. Kindness

6. Neutrality

7. Love

8. Oneness

9. Wholeness

10. Freedom

11. Joy

12. Inspiration

13. Power

When you are experiencing these emotions, you are likely to behave accordingly. These feelings then reinforce optimal associated thoughts, which cycle back into your focus, allowing you to retrain your beliefs about yourself [3]. When summed up, these beliefs make up your self-concept, which expresses itself in forms of identities, or roles, and which are reinforced by our results and habits.

Our Belief-Identity Pathway is intertwined, and The Stop Technique, when used properly, has powerful implications for each of the pathway’s elements.

 Would you like to learn more about the science of behavioral changes? Then join us on Monday, February 1st for our Behavior Modification Certificate Course. We will be talking about Rules to Go By. Register here. And see you soon.

Karen and Mardoche

[1] Nelson, Michelle. “How and Why to Stop Destructive Comparing!” Medium, Real Life Resilience, 6 Mar. 201.

[2] “Chapter 06: Energetic Communication.” HeartMath Institute.

[3] Fredrickson, B L. “The role of positive emotions in positive psychology. The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions.” The American psychologist vol. 56,3 (2001): 218-26. doi:10.1037//0003-066x.56.3.218.